I'm on my rocker. I support breast cancer awareness. I am african american, but Bahamian decent. I love music. I live in the pursuit of everything pink. I am from the 'City of Caprices and Impalas' - Miami. My celebrity hubbies are Tyrese, Chad Johnson and Idris Elba. I love my family. I love my friends, my real friends. I'm easy to get along with and pretty friendly. I'm popular. I'm likeable. I'm smart. I'm fashionable in a simply chic way. I love lipgloss. Pink, Love and Lipgloss...three ways to say I love you. I'm obviously random. I love photography. I love God. I love to write and read. I can be your best friend, but your worst enemy. I mind my business, but everyone always wants to tell me theirs. I love love. I want to be in love. I want to be the woman that a man thinks is the most awesome human being he's ever met. I want to be the woman some man one day thinks about as much as I'll be thinking about him. I want to be the one to keep a smile on his face. I want to be the definition of love to someone one day. I want to be the woman of his dreams. I want to make someone one day fully satisfied mentally, physically and emotionally so that he will need no other. I want to be his everything!
I so needed to vent today, not because I'm upset about anything, but because I just needed an outlet of emotions. This is just it. I pray that God leads me through all of my decisions and let me stray down the path of his will and his righteousness. I am so in love with the love of the Lord and I want to be wrapped in his arms forever. That reminds me, I want a God fearing man that can keep me walking in the will of God. I refuse to marry a man that is not a God fearing Christian. I will not stand at an alter under the eyes of God and become one with someone who does not share similar beliefs with me. I am currently in a position where I am sinning. I am lusting over a married man, that's a big no no...but I see him EVERY DAY & I must say, he is eye candy to me. I try to just look past it and remember, that I can only be his friend...but GEEZUM! He's gorgeous to me...Lord knows that I feel bad about it. Yesterday, I was so in my feelings about it that he could tell something was wrong with me. He kept asking me to talk to him, but no can do. I cannot tell him the way I feel. We harmlessly flirt with each other, but it's not in a horrible way...like I said, it's harmless. But I KNOW that if I take it any further, then it will not be good...AT ALL, but it is what it is. He knows what he does to me. I think he knows how I feel. I think he understands that if he wasn't married, it would be a holyfield wrap! Unfortunately, there is nothing that either him or I can do at this point...he's just sexy for no reason and I'm adorable for absolutely a couple reasons, but he cannot do anything about it. It is what it is. Well, obviously, I'm back into the blogging world...my little fingers won't stop moving and I'm ALL into my feelings. It makes no sense how many emotions and thoughts are going through me right now. I feel like a scorned woman that's never been through anything LOL...that's the most retarded thought I've ever had...but it's true. I be in my feelings for like, NO REASON, but plenty reasons at the same time...I have like 3 or 4 guys right now that I'm trying to decide between & one of em, I can't even put my hands on!! Like, this is stupid but it's so real...what the eff be wrong with me yo?
OMG, I just happened to look one way and I just saw him. "WHYYYY!"...is the only thing that goes through my head & he lovesss me so he's always talking to me, but when i be in my feelings, I always feel some type of way when I'm talking to him..so I act like a little girl & just shy my face away from reality. It's so sad that I'm such a good girl because TRUST AND BELIEVE, if I wasn't...smh. It would not be good. AT ALL....like I said before, it would be a holyfield wrap. Hold up! Time out!! Touchdown! Foul on the play! LOL...all of that plus some.
So for some reason, this man feels as if I try super hard to get his attention. You know how those thirsty girls will walk by a guy in hopes that he's looking at her butt and they'll switch extra hard hoping that he's watching. He told me that that's what I do...but he said that I KNOW that he'll look, so I'll walk by him on purpose with my "sassy little walk" just to tease him which is SO not true! The only reason he feels that way is because he knows he can't do anything with what he's looking at lol. He drives me crazy, I swear.
Everytime I see him, I want to write something else about him! I can't deal with these feelings that I have because I don't want to push him away from being my friend. I can't deal with them because me telling him the way I feel (as if he doesn't know) won't do any good and may make him feel uncomfortable being that he is a married man. I remember when we first got real cool, we were talking about how females will try to deal with a guy knowing that he's married and how it is such a turn off. I just don't want to be categorized as one of those females and end up being a turn off to him and it come between our friendship. I always get into my little girl mode when he comes around because I instantly catch myself beginning to possibly flirt with him or give him the "come and get it' eye lol...it's just not a good situation and I tend to shy myself away...the other day he said "what's wrong with my baby? why she be giving me these faces man?" It made me blush sooo hard on the inside, but I knew I couldn't take it too serious because of his status.
To be continued..
xoxo, Noey. ♥
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